Texas Sayings….Part 1

Common as cornbread, old as dirt, funny as all get-out—homespun expressions link modern Texans to their rural and agricultural past, conveying the spirit and plainspoken humor of their heroes and pioneers. Some sayings are instantly familiar because their parents or grandparents quoted them; others parallel the indisputable wisdom of biblical proverbs or Poor Richard’s Almanac, plenty will just you make you laugh.  This collection will display a  collection of sayings as big as all hell and half of Texas. Put on your hat and let’s go!

 

Acceptable

It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
That’s close enough for government work.
Might as well. Can’t dance, never could sing, and it’s too wet to plow.
I could sit still for that.
You can’t beat that with a stick.

Boastful

He can strut sitting down.
He’s all hat and no cattle.
She’s all gurgle and no guts.
He chamber-of-commerced it.

Dishonest

He’s on a first-name basis with the bottom of the deck.
So crooked that if he swallowed a nail he’d spit up a corkscrew.
So crooked you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going.
He knows more ways to take your money than a roomful of lawyers.
Crooked as a dog’s hind leg.
Crooked as the Brazos.
Slicker than a slop jar.
More twists than a pretzel factory.
Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks.
So crooked he has to unscrew his britches at night.
She’s more slippery than a pocketful of pudding.
He’s slicker than a boiled onion.
I wouldn’t trust him any farther than I can throw him.

Honest

If that ain’t a fact, God’s a possum.
You can take that to the bank.
You can hang your hat on it.
You can bet the farm on it.
He’s so honest you could shoot craps with him over the phone.
If I say a hen dips snuff, you can look under her wing for the can.

Brave

Brave as the first man who ate an oyster.
Brave as a bigamist.
Brave enough to eat in a boomtown cafe.
He’s double-backboned.
He’s got more guts than you could hang on a fence.
He’d shoot craps with the devil himself.
She’d charge hell with a bucket of ice water.

Argumentative, Mad

She could start a fight in an empty house.
He’d argue with a wooden Indian.
She raised hell and stuck a chunk under it.
He’s the only hell his mama ever raised.
He’s got his tail up.
She’s in a horn-tossing mood.
She’s so contrary she floats up-stream.
She’s dancing in the hog trough.
He’ll tell you how the cow ate the cabbage.

Timid

He stays in the shadow of his mama’s apron.
If he was melted down, he couldn’t be poured into a fight.
He’s first cousin to Moses Rose.
He wouldn’t bite a biscuit.
He’s yellow as mustard but without the bite.
He may not be a chicken, but he has his henhouse ways.

Dry

So dry the birds are building their nests out of barbed wire.
So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.
So dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
So dry my duck don’t know how to swim.
It’s been dry so long, we only got a quarter-inch of rain during Noah’s Flood.
So dry I’m spitting cotton.
Dry as a powder house.
Dry as the heart of a haystack.
Drier than a popcorn fart.

 

THE SPHINX—METAVERSE

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Biden is an EVIL FASCIST, just like Pigleosi and Schumer.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/katiepavlich/2022/01/12/mcconnell-goes-scorched-earth-against-bidens-propaganda-filled-speech-n2601765

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Today could be your lucky day.

https://nypost.com/2022/01/12/mega-millions-jackpot-climbs-to-325m/

Review the trades of Pigleosi’s husband, in other Sphinx’s.   WOW

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2022/01/12/report-congress-beat-the-market-in-trading-for-2021/

McDonald’s evicts unvaxxed 4year old cancer patient from McDonald house in Vancouver.

https://redstate.com/brandon_morse/2022/01/12/ronald-mcdonald-house-sends-eviction-notices-to-unvaccinated-children-and-their-families-n505407

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Washington state is dying on the vine, don’t stop now.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/landonmion/2022/01/07/washingtons-democratic-governor-wants-to-regulate-lying-about-elections-n2601581

Joe could replace Job in the Bible.

https://www.theonion.com/biden-vows-not-to-forget-lessons-of-january-6-we-must-1848314924

Job was in a tight spot.

https://babylonbee.com/news/archaeologists-uncover-missing-chapter-of-job-where-he-has-to-put-together-ikea-furniture

https://www.nationalreview.com/

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Bit coins are having problems.

https://www.cnbc.com/2022/01/06/kazakhstan-bitcoin-mining-shuts-down-amid-fatal-protests.html

https://www.foxbusiness.com/markets/amc-dogecoin-shiba-inu-cryptocurrency-2022

A new memorial is coming.

https://babylonbee.com/news/911-memorial-to-be-replaced-with-more-important-jan-6-memorial

https://www.breitbart.com/

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The Ultraverse Editor:   What is the Metaverse, LL ?

The Outer Limits Cat:  I am still trying to understand, maybe our loyal readers can help me.  Here is some information.

https://www.wired.com/story/what-is-the-metaverse/

https://www.investopedia.com/terms/b/blockchain.asp

https://www.investopedia.com/non-fungible-tokens-nft-5115211

Melania sells an NFT item.

https://www.breitbart.com/tech/2022/01/04/melania-trump-to-auction-second-nft-signed-white-hat-from-state-visit/

Cadillac has a fantasy sex car.  The mile-high club and now the 65 mph club, unless otherwise posted.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-10372801/Cadillac-debuts-InnerSpace-autonomous-two-seater-concept-car-CES-features-single-loveseat.html

This is interesting.

https://www.inverse.com/innovation/blinking-cursor-history?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Until the Ultraverse is finished Britney will give us virtual nudity.

https://pagesix.com/2022/01/06/free-woman-britney-spears-posts-nude-instagram-photos/?_ga=2.67007406.1678079493.1605772234-951879754.1604898772

The Social Media companies want your and your kid’s soul.

https://www.protocol.com/bulletins/eric-schmidt-youtube-criticism

https://dnyuz.com/2022/01/06/a-fed-officials-2020-trade-drew-outcry-it-went-further-than-first-disclosed/

TUE:  What are your thoughts of the Meta, Mega, Ultra, Virtual, etc., verse TOLC ?

It’s all about fantasy or a make believe place.  The companies involved want to run your life.  You would be better of taking LSD or Psilocybin.

Here is John Lennon’s fantasy.

 

TODAY’S MEMES

TODAY’S BIBLE VERSE

Astronomy Picture of the Day

NGC 1566: The Spanish Dancer Spiral Galaxy
Image Credit & Copyright: Mark Hanson and Mike Selby

Explanation: An island universe of billions of stars, NGC 1566 lies about 60 million light-years away in the southern constellation Dorado. Popularly known as the Spanish Dancer galaxy, it’s seen face-on from our Milky Way perspective. A gorgeous grand design spiral, this galaxy’s two graceful spiral arms span over 100,000 light-years, traced by bright blue star clusters, pinkish starforming regions, and swirling cosmic dust lanes. NGC 1566’s flaring center makes the spiral one of the closest and brightest Seyfert galaxies. It likely houses a central supermassive black hole wreaking havoc on surrounding stars, gas, and dust. In this sharp southern galaxy portrait, the spiky stars lie well within the Milky Way.

Tomorrow’s picture: light-weekend