Nine Words Women Use — Definitions for men

 (1)  Fine:   This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up. This means your facts may be right, but you are still wrong.

(2)  Five Minutes:   If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3)  Nothing:   This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4)  Go Ahead:   This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:   This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.   (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay:   This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:   A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’.. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever:   Is a woman’s way of saying…Go to Hell…

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it:   Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’   (For the woman’s response refer to #3).

John was totally obsessed with his cat. His job demanded that he go out of town for a while. The only person he trusted to possibly care for his cat was his brother. He took the cat over and gave his brother the food, treats, shampoo, conditioner and fancy litter box.  He cried as he told his cat goodbye.

John called his brother after two days to check on his cat. His brother said, “Your cat died.”

John went crazy. “You are a cold, rude person. You should not tell a person bad news in such a callous manner. You should have said something like…the cat is on the roof and we can’t get it down.  By the way how is Mother doing?” His brother replied,

“Mother is on the roof and we can’t get her down.”

*

“Wait a minute, wait a minute. You ain’t heard nothin’ yet!” The Jazz Singer, 1927

“No wire hangers, ever!” Mommie Dearest, 1981

“Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?” Little Caesar, 1930

“Forget it, Jake, it’s Chinatown.” Chinatown, 1974

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.” A Streetcar Named Desire, 1951

 

Believe you can,
and you’re halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt

After I have prepared a place for you, I will return. Then I will take you so that you will be with me. You will be where I am.