Lucille’s husband of 40 years passed away. She was terribly lonesome. Her friend owned a pet store and suggested that she buy a talking parrot to keep her company. Although the parrot was expensive, she decided to buy the bird.  Lucille took the parrot home and waited for days, but it never spoke. She went back to the pet shop and her friend suggested that she buy the bird a ladder. He pointed out that parrots need exercise to keep them happy. She bought the ladder…after three days, the bird never spoke. She went back to the pet store, she was very angry. The pet store owner asked if she had bought the bird a mirror because they love to groom themselves. Although she was quite livid, she invested again.

She came back to the pet store the next day and told the owner that her parrot had died. The pet store owner asked, “Did it ever even speak a word?”

“Yes, before my parrot  died it asked one question.”

 “DON’T THAT PET STORE SELL FOOD?”

 

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My wife loves sales.

She’ll buy anything that’s marked down.

Yesterday she came home with an escalator.

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

‘WOW,’ the social worker exclaims, ‘are they all yours?”

‘Yep, they are all mine,’ the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, ‘Sit down Leroy’ All the children rush to find seats.

‘Well,’ says the social worker, ‘then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.’

‘Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Leroy and the girls are all named Leighroy.’

In disbelief, the case worker says, ‘Are you serious? They’re ALL named Leroy?’

Their momma replied, ‘Well, yes-it makes it easier.

 When it’s time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Leroy!’ An’ when it’s time for dinner,

 I just yell ‘Leroy!’ An they all comes a runnin.

 An’ if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell Leroy’ and all of them stop.

 It’s the smartest idea I ever had, namin’ them all Leroy.’

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively,

 ‘But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?’

‘Then I call them by their last names.’

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