ON MY SOAPBOX…Don’t be poor

I apologize for my lengthy post, but I have been positive for Covid for 5 years and I am really bored!

The sun shines on the rich and on the poor alike. But when it comes to rain, the rich have better umbrellas.

There is no need for you to be poor in America. Your low position on the American Money-O-Meter is your own fault. If you are poor it is because you are simply too honest. You poor people need to get with the program.

Every single day when I open my emails, there is a big yellow flash as my spam emails highlight themselves and relocate to my Junk folder. I wear my sunglasses each morning until this process is complete. I know it is as dangerous as staring at the eclipse with no eye shield.

Then I move on to delete my Junk mail. There are four biggies. Multiple pages of them, no kidding. Class Action Law Suits….free and available for me.

Asbestos, Talcum Powder, Round-Up and Camp Lejuene.

Forget about your morals, people. Jump into the Money Pit.

Step One: Turn on your television and activate the MUTE button. This will prevent you from hearing the endless loop recordings of the Mar-a-Lago scavenger hunt. BUT…watch for the commercials. They will eventually give you the free phone number of a crooked crime lawyer who is always standing by (24 hours) to make you rich. If you do not win bunches of money, you owe these crooks NOTHING. How great is that deal?

Step Two: Go to a doctor and buy an x-ray which shows that spot on your lung. Your crime lawyer that you just spoke with will tell you the name of the most favored Crime Abiding Doctor in your area. The x-rays will have a number in the bottom right corner, like you see on copies of artwork  (4519/10,000,000). Go ahead and pay for a low numbered print so that the spot you do not have on your lung will be clearly visible.

Step Three: Don’t stop here. Take your old Mother and Grandmother (or any two old ladies) to the same doctor. Get a check for yourself from them also. If they want proof, just tell them you checked on Ancestry.com to confirm your facts and these two old ladies are definitely your Mama and Granny. These Cheap Crook Crime Doctors are too tight to pay the monthly fee to Ancestry, so they will never verify your facts to detect your lies.

This procedure is getting way too procedural….so just take the express lane and get rich QUICK. Quit dawdling.

Contact Michael Avenetti (AKA..Creepy Porn Lawyer). You remember him, the Great White Hope of the Democrats for President. He was flying high until he pissed off Nike. Now he resides in the Metropolitan Detention Center in New York. Call him. He will represent you in all four class action law suits for 2 pair of Nikes. Just tell him:

My grammar school was built with asbestos tainted materials. I used talcum powder in middle school in my Nikes because my feet itched. I maintained my best friends Marijuana Plants in my senior year by spraying the ever-so-persistent rogue weeds with Round-Up. I stopped by Camp Lejeune to visit my previous, Marijuana Plantation Owner, friend for a couple weeks as I was relocating to Flint, Michigan.

Congratulations….you will soon receive some big checks, well, actually only 60% of the big checks. But hey, if not, you owe Avenetti no sneakers.

Now…off you go….you are richer than Amazon’s Jeff Bezos.

Buy yourself a really nice umbrella.

30 Totally Amazing Umbrellas To Get You Through The Rainy Days | Vintage umbrella, Umbrella, Cute umbrellas

 

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