ON MY SOAPBOX…Trick or Treat

Capitalism is a wonderful thing. When I get bored, I can always think of a new adventure that will make me millions of dollars. Don’t laugh. Remember…once upon a time, Mattel made the very first Barbie Doll. Barbie was followed by Ken, friends, wardrobes, doll houses, doll house furniture, doll vehicles, etc.

Well, Halloween is sneaking up on us. Some of our readers may remember when I introduced my Democrat Voodoo Dolls. People loved them.

My new capitalist adventure is going to be a Halloween costume of Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr. I cannot call him our 46th president since he was selected instead of being elected. He is a PINO (President In Name Only) of the United States.  Are you laughing yet? I am so excited. I have already made my first prototype.

PINO Joe will be the first Halloween costume that walks down the street beside you. Yes, you read that correctly. It will be more of a Halloween doll/friend than a costume.

Settle down, I know you are asking yourself…How can he walk down the street when he cannot even climb the stairs of Air Force One without falling three times?

Well, I have already thought about that problem and solved it in my prototype doll. My PINO Joe Halloween doll will be attached to a ROOMBA. You know, the self-propelled robotic vacuum cleaner. You just flick that little switch to ON and you got a new friend, baby.

You will probably want to place your order for the Deluxe Model of my new Doll. It is more expensive, but it actually talks. Settle down already. I realize that PINO Joe cannot talk without stuttering and stammering, but I have also solved that problem. I have installed recording devices/speakers similar to those of the Chatty Cathy dolls of 1960.

Just trust me, I have never lied to you. Your Halloween PINO Joe doll will come with  aviator glasses, a face mask, a bicycle, a crack pipe, a stripper, a laptop…oops, never mind, I got him mixed up with my next doll that I still have in my Research & Development area. I am off now to walk with my Halloween PINO Joe doll to my neighbor’s house for his first test run.

Forget it, what a stupid idea!

The Halloween PINO Joe doll ROOMBA’d down the road just fine, he was so smooth. I was a Proud Capitalist for a couple moments.

Then I pressed the speak button. He said, “Treat or Trick and Trick, Trick Treat…I want some of that Xi Jinping candy from the border that looks like little Sweet Tarts. I want my bag filled with Fentanyl. 

Then the little out-of-control idiot jumped on my neighbor’s shoulder and started sniffing her hair. When I pressed the remote to stop him, he started walking in circles and shaking hands with the Invisible man.

I brought the Invisible man home with me and left my new PINO Joe Halloween doll walking in circles down the road….oh well, the Easter Bunny will eventually come for him.

Damn Capitalism. I am applying for an EBT card.

 

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