The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. . Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail. . If you don’t have a sense of humor you probably don’t have any sense at all. . Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. . A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water. . How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? . Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. . Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? . Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job. . No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car. . There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity. . There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. for example, it could be the right number. . No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning. . I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap. . Be careful about reading the fine print there’s no way you’re going to like it. . The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket. . Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? . Money can’t buy happiness but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a VW. . After 60, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you’re probably dead. . Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind and the ones that mind don’t matter. . Life isn’t tied with a bow but it’s still a gift.
