A married couple were vacationing in Hawaii and disagreed on the correct pronunciation of the state name. He said it was Hawaii and his wife said it was Havaii.
They stopped a man on the street to ask his opinion. He said the correct pronunciation was Havaii. The man’s wife was delighted and thanked the man.
The man said, “You’re velcome.”
A girl brought home her fiance, a theology student, to meet her parents for the first time. Her father was keen to learn what prospects the boy had.
“How do you plan to make a living?” asked the father.
“I don’t know,” said the student, “but God will provide.”
The father raised his eyebrows. “Do you own a car?”
“No,” said the student, “but God will provide.”
“I see. And where are you thinking of living once you’re married?”
“No idea, but I’m sure God will provide.”
Later the mother asked the father what he thought of their prospective son-in-law.
“Not a lot, really,” sighed the father. “He’s got no money and seems to have given precious little thought to the future. But on the other hand……
he thinks I’m God!”
A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat ?”
“Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story,” said the wise old China-man.
The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”.
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.
A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.
“Ahhh,” said the owner, “You come back for story ?”
“No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.