Archive | November 6, 2019

Old Butch

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Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.  She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

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She kept records and any rooster not performing was replaced.This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.  Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.  She could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

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Sarah’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning, she noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all. When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

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To Sarah’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.  He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

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Sarah was so proud of old Butch that she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Peace Prize”, they also awarded him the “Pullet Surprise” as well.

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Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.  Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention?

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Vote carefully in the next election.  You can’t always hear the bells.

 

Image result for a blue  rooster bell

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So Which Is Correct?

 Image result for hawaii

A married couple were vacationing in Hawaii and disagreed on the correct pronunciation of the state name. He said it was Hawaii and his wife said it was Havaii.

They stopped a man on the street to ask his opinion. He said the correct pronunciation was Havaii. The man’s wife was delighted and thanked the man.

The man said, “You’re velcome.”

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God Will Provide

Image result for funny father in law pics

A girl brought home her fiance, a theology student, to meet her parents for the first time. Her father was keen to learn what prospects the boy had.

“How do you plan to make a living?” asked the father.

“I don’t know,” said the student, “but God will provide.”

The father raised his eyebrows. “Do you own a car?”

“No,” said the student, “but God will provide.”

“I see. And where are you thinking of living once you’re married?”

“No idea, but I’m sure God will provide.”

Later the mother asked the father what he thought of their prospective son-in-law.

“Not a lot, really,” sighed the father. “He’s got no money and seems to have given precious little thought to the future. But on the other hand……

he thinks I’m God!”

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Great Online Posts This Week

When you scroll down to the map of the USA, look at Florida.  The #1 place people are relocating to within the USA is Fl, followed by Arizona and Texas. Biggest loser is NY, followed by CA and Illinois.  Wonder why?  Crazy Liberals! I was wondering why Naples, Fl is having a real estate boom.  In less than 8 months of living here, there are new subdivisions popping up all over the place.


The Bronze Statue

Image result for statue of a bronze rat

A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat ?”

“Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story,” said the wise old China-man.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”.

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.

A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.

Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.

“Ahhh,” said the owner, “You come back for story ?”

“No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.

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