“Just in case….Senile Sleepy Joe comes up missing…..I think she may have eaten him.”
-Sheila Tolley-

A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic.

A chicken walks up to him and says, “Don’t do it, man. You’ll never hear the end of it.”

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Ron, an elderly man in Florida, has owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some orange and lime trees.

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.
‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’
‘Sure.’
‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.
‘No, I can remember it.’
‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?’
He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’ ‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.
Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
‘Where’s my toast?’

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Yep!’
‘Do I know her?’
‘Nope!’
‘This woman, is she good looking?’
‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
‘Because she can still drive!’

A man was telling his neighbour, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’
‘Really,’ answered the neighbour. ‘What kind is it?’
‘Twelve thirty.’

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

And One More ….!

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

Now , before you ‘ forget ‘, send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh!!

WRITTEN BY: SHEILA TOLLEY

 

“A good Financial Plan is a wonderful asset. I have a little financial planning tip for you prudent shoppers in The Land of Tolley’s Topics.

With all of the dead people who have crawled out of their graves to vote for Joe Biden, as if they were auditioning for Michael Jackson’s Thriller video:

Now is the perfect time to purchase a slightly used cemetery plot at a reasonable price.”

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WRITTEN BY: BILL BOWSER

 

Every day it becomes more obvious that ten days ago we had the most fraudulent election imaginable. Each day we learn of more voting or vote-counting irregularities. Although the so-called main stream media (MSM) ignores all the evidence and claims that Biden and Harris are the winners, the truth about the election is leaking out.

With all the forces arrayed against our President, and the constant propaganda from the media, it is difficult to stay positive. Is your hope of a conservative presidential victory dimming? If so, the first thing you should do is turn off your TV. Do not watch the poison that masquerades as news on TV. I don’t own a TV. I haven’t had one for about 15 years, and I don’t miss it one bit. My mental health has improved without it.

But even without a TV it is difficult to avoid a lot of the nonsense the MSM is spreading around, as I search for reliable news on the Internet. It can be discouraging, but there  are enough reports of progress being made to straighten out the election mess that I’m encouraged. The President’s lawyers are making substantial progress, and my confidence is growing that he will retain the Oval Office. He needs all of our support. Keep the Faith.

 

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