WRITTEN BY: SHEILA TOLLEY

 

Three score and ten years ago, my Mother brought forth into this world, a new baby…… Me……All I can say at this point is, “What A Ride!”

I wore…Go-Go Boots, Saddle Oxford and Penny Loafer shoes, Bell bottoms, Tie-Dye T-Shirts, Mini-skirts, Maxi-skirts, Tight Sweaters, Bulky Sweaters, Mood Rings, and Love Beads.

I owned a Barbie Doll, Black Light & Glow in the dark posters, Old Maid Cards, Slinky, Lava lamp, an Ouija Board, Pet Rock, Nancy Drew Books, Paper Dolls, Puzzles, an 8X10 Glossy Picture Of Elvis and a Rubik’s Cube.

I have modeled so many hair styles….including, but not limited to…..Teased & Sprayed, Flat & Dippity-Dood, Layered & Wind-Blown, Curly, Straight, Long, Short, Frosted, Tipped, Colored, Bleached and Streaked.

I have survived Hair Ironing, The Twist and Limbo, Ear Piercing, Fake Nails, Blind Dates, Jumping off the Flat Shoals Bridge and using a shampoo called “Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific.”

I have driven behind hundreds of vehicles whose bumper sticker bragged about what they had on board (Baby On Board) while hundreds of others told me when they applied their brakes (I Brake for Unicorns, Railroad Tracks, etc). We all remember the most disgusting bumper sticker from yesteryear, the one that was eventually banned because it informed us that SHIT HAPPENS. Not to be outdone, the bumper sticker genius’s replaced it with Doo Doo Happens. My Other Car Is A Porsche, Mercedes, etc., remember those? Of that group, I liked the bumper sticker that read “My Other Car Is Also A Piece Of Junk.”

I have lived through Segregations, Integrations and  Liberations. I watched as a Gold Metal Olympic Winner morphed from  Bruce Jenner into Caitlyn Jenner. I have wondered how Elizabeth Warren could be a part-time Native American and  a Caucasian woman, Rachel Dolezal, could trick the NAACP into thinking she was an African-American.

In my America, I have watched as massive demonstrations take place in defense of Gun Control, Defunding The Police, Abortions, Illegal Immigrants, Women, African Americans, Animals, LGBTQ, Black Lives Matter and Muslims. In fact, there are only two groups that are not supported in America today…..the first one defended and  made America great and the other was used to reduce diseases.

White Men and White Rats.

 

WRITTEN BY: SHEILA TOLLEY

 

I have never been to an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting because I am not an alcoholic. I have drank myself to the point of being giddy so many times I cannot count them. I have appointed myself as my own Designated Driver before DD was even a real job title. I have experienced so many  hangover headaches and sworn off alcohol more times than politicians have lied. Enough about my confessions.

I have seen enough movies to know that if I did go to an AA meeting, I would be expected to stand and say…”Hello, my name is Sheila” and the Professional Drinkers in the crowd would be expected to chant…”Hello Sheila.” This is the same crowd who cannot wait on the class to end so they can race to their favorite seat at the neighborhood bar. 

I am thinking that perhaps there is another confession I should make public. When I get real depressed, I like to drag out my old reliable 1958 copy of Webster’s New American Dictionary. (That is a lie, but I did get it off the top shelf in order to write this post.)

I have heard the word White Supremacist so much, I wanted to decide if I am one of those terrible creatures. Oh well, since White Supremacist does not even exist in this dictionary, I will try the next edition….Nope, not here either.

I will just go to the root word “supreme” and check that out. I know what Root Words are because when I attended school, we were taught HOW to learn, not WHAT to learn. You remember? Back when you could have an opinion and debates without being shot or have a group of fools burn down your school in a PEACEFUL protest.

It turns out that supreme means: Most Excellent.

Have you ever gone to a ball game and cheered for your team to come in second? Have you ever watched the Miss America contests and hoped that your state representative would be runner-up? Have you bought many Power Ball Lotto Tickets just because you wanted to hit that one red number? Of coarse your answer is NO to all these questions.

Well, I shall file my trusty old dictionaries back in their place on my top shelf.

I looked in the mirror to confirm my suspicions one last time. I am still white. I have always TRIED to be the Most Excellent. Therefore, I am a White Supremacist.

I like the term Supreme Court. We could WOKE it up and call it the Court Of Equity?

No thanks. I prefer for the highest court in my country to be The MOST EXCELLENT. But what do I know…..I just confirmed that I am a White Supremacist.

I do have some questions. Why doesn’t obama call himself a Black Supremacist? I guess he is content being less than the most excellent. Then we have the Idiot mayor of Chicago, Lori Lightfoot….who refuses to speak with white reporters. She is also a Lesbian. She can check three boxes all by herself. Black Supremacist, Lesbian and Racist.

Questions. One seems to always lead to more with me.

Why do they call it Alcoholics ANONYMOUS…when the first thing I would be encouraged to do is stand up and tell all those drunks my name?

Life is just too complicated. I shall go and make myself several….

WHITE RUSSIANS!

.

 

WRITTEN BY: SHEILA TOLLEY

 

Since the majority of  Tolley’s Topics readers are Wonderful Baby Boomers….and I LOVE OUR GENERATION, I am safe to write this little post on Father’s Day.

 

The IDIOTIC  WOKE CROWD has already changed Mothers to Birthing People (how sad is that), so very soon they will probably change the term Father to Spermanator.

 

Oh yeah, next year Hallmark will have impregnated bellies on their Mothers’ Day cards and sperm pics on their Fathers’ Day cards.

 

For that reason, I want all Fathers to have a wonderful Father’s Day this year!

 

You little Spermanator, you.

 

 

 

“On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer & Vixen, On Comet, On Cupid, On Donner & Blitzen…..”

-Sheila Tolley-