OOPS! NOT EVEN CLOSE!

Move along Dr. Jill…you definitely are not classy enough to park next to Melania.

MORE HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

Easiest Christmas Cutout Cookie Recipe - No Chilling Required

If you bake or eat Christmas cookies, here’s some really useful information that will help you be able to enjoy them even more:

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1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you’re making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend’s first cookie is calorie-free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie-free.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five – one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching “Miracle on 34th Street ” have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking Causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else’s plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It’s a rule!
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So, go out and enjoy those Christmas Cookies – we only get them this time of year!

 

food | In All Directions

HO! HO! HO!

Santa Claus, a loyal reader of Tolley’s Topics, asked me to send you this message.
-Sheila Tolley-

It’s my first Joe Biden Christmas and inflation has taken away

The things I consider essential…my workshop, my reindeer, my sleigh.

I am making my rounds on a donkey…he is old, crippled and slow

So if I am late to your house, I am OUT ON MY ASS in the snow.

 

Amazing!

Very expensive and very well-engineered, designed fireworks.  How did they get these effects of hearts and variations of planets in a solar system? Sixty-four seconds of fireworks in Ilderton, Ontario over the May 24 weekend.

This show is said to be the first of its kind in the world of SPHERICAL PYROTECHNICS.

Worth watching.  Likely the world’s (current) best fireworks display you will ever see.

A Very Special Merry Christmas To You

THE SPHINX—MERRY CHRISTMAS

_________________________________________________________________________

CNN is a rat hole of child molesters.  It starts at the top, AT&T owns the putrid mess.

https://redstate.com/bonchie/2021/12/18/a-jake-tapper-producer-is-the-next-pedophile-shoe-to-drop-at-cnn-n493411

Nancy and her buddies get a pass on insider trading.

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2021/12/16/were-free-market-nancy-pelosi-rejects-ban-lawmakers-spouses-trading-individual-stocks/

https://nypost.com/2021/12/16/sons-brutal-obit-of-his-plus-sized-redneck-mom-goes-viral/

https://thefederalist.com/

_________________________________________________________________________

There will be no Rockettes for Christmas.

https://nypost.com/2021/12/17/radio-city-rockettes-cancel-4-christmas-shows-due-to-covid/

Check your phone.

https://nypost.com/2021/12/19/urgent-warning-issued-to-android-users-over-glitch-affecting-911-calls/

https://townhall.com/

_________________________________________________________________________

The Santa Editor:   Will our loyal readers be able to track Santa again this year,  LL ?

Elf Cat:  They sure will, it begins tonight.

https://www.noradsanta.org/en/

The Chips celebrate Christmas.

https://redstate.com/wag/2019/12/25/opening-gifts-chips-n123728

Merry Christmas from J & J.

https://babylonbee.com/news/white-house-sends-out-biden-family-christmas-card-with-heartfelt-message-you-will-get-sick-and-die-this-winter

Fight for Christmas.

https://babylonbee.com/video/134

Maybe there is hope.

https://redstate.com/joesquire/2021/12/16/did-chevrolet-have-to-make-america-cry-with-its-new-christmas-ad-n492194

 

Politoons

Political Cartoons by Steve Kelley

Political Cartoons by Michael Ramirez

Political Cartoons by Henry Payne

Political Cartoons by Al Goodwyn

Political Cartoons by AF Branco

Political Cartoons by Margolis & Cox

Political Cartoons by Pat Cross

Political Cartoons by Michael Ramirez

Political Cartoons by Tom Stiglich

 

Some Old, Some New, All Good

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

Get Christmas Day Dinner To Go From These Restaurants | Hip2Save

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly, it’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert, Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ” ” WOO HOO what a ride!”

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

How to Plan a Stress-Free Christmas Cookie Exchange | Taste of Home

Nine things you never knew about egg nog | Food | dailyitem.com