A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof.
He looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for “Bear Removers.”
He calls the number and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
“What are you going to do,” the homeowner asks?
“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.
When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.
The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
“What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.
“If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.”
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(1) Isn’t it weird that in America our flag and our culture offend so many people, but our benefits don’t?
(2) How can the federal government ask U.S. citizens to pay back student loans, when illegal aliens are receiving a free education?
(3) Only in America are legal citizens labeled “racists” and “Nazis” but illegal aliens are called “Dreamers.”
(4) Liberals say, “If confiscating all guns saves just one life, it’s worth it!” Well then, if deporting all illegals saves just one life, wouldn’t that be worth it?
(5) I can’t quite figure out how you can proudly wave the flag of another country but consider it punishment to be sent back there.
(6) The Constitution: It doesn’t need to be rewritten; it needs to be re-read.
(7) William F. Buckley said: “Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other points of view and are then shocked and offended when they discover there are other points of view.”
(8) ‘Need’ now means wanting someone else’s money. ‘Greed’ means wanting to keep your own. ‘Compassion’ is when a politician arranges the transfer.”
(9) Florida has had 119 hurricanes since 1850, but some people still insist the last one was due to climate change.
You can’t fix stupid…. I don’t care how much duct tape you use!
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