Day: June 23, 2022

I WORKED…..

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Very Important For Men

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Nine Words Women Use — Definitions for men

 (1)  Fine:   This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up. This means your facts may be right, but you are still wrong.

(2)  Five Minutes:   If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3)  Nothing:   This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4)  Go Ahead:   This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:   This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.   (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay:   This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:   A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’.. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever:   Is a woman’s way of saying…Go to Hell…

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it:   Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’   (For the woman’s response refer to # 3).

Product Warnings

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These are examples of just how stupid people have become in the new generations. Even more so, it shows how stupid the manufacturers are to assume these same people can or will read the warnings. I wish them luck as they presume that a person who would toss their child into the washing machine will be intelligent enough to interpret their cave-wall-like images that replaced words….LOL.
-Sheila Tolley-

Good Ones

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 Old Hollywood Squares

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Hollywood Squares - Wikipedia
THESE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ARE FROM THE DAYS WHEN “HOLLYWOOD SQUARES” GAME SHOW RESPONSES WERE SPONTANEOUS, NOT SCRIPTED.
.
Q. DO FEMALE FROGS CROAK?
A. PAUL LYNDE: IF YOU HOLD THEIR LITTLE HEADS UNDER WATER LONG
ENOUGH.
.

Q. IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE A PARACHUTE JUMP, AT LEAST HOW HIGH SHOULD
YOU BE?
A. CHARLEY WEAVER: THREE DAYS OF STEADY DRINKING SHOULD DO IT.

Q. TRUE OR FALSE, A PEA CAN LAST AS LONG AS 5,000 YEARS…
A. GEORGE GOBEL: BOY, IT SURE SEEMS THAT WAY SOMETIMES.

Q . PAUL, WHAT IS A GOOD REASON FOR POUNDING MEAT?
A. PAUL LYNDE: LONELINESS! (THE AUDIENCE LAUGHED SO LONG AND SO HARD
IT TOOK UP ALMOST 15 MINUTES OF THE SHOW!)

Q. YOU’VE BEEN HAVING TROUBLE GOING TO SLEEP. ARE YOU PROBABLY A MAN
OR A WOMAN?
A. DON KNOTTS: THAT’S WHAT’S BEEN KEEPING ME AWAKE.

Q. ACCORDING TO COSMOPOLITAN, IF YOU MEET A STRANGER AT A PARTY AND
YOU THINK THAT HE IS ATTRACTIVE, IS IT OKAY TO COME OUT AND ASK HIM IF
HE’S MARRIED?
A. ROSE MARIE: NO, WAIT UNTIL MORNING.

Q. WHICH OF YOUR FIVE SENSES TENDS TO DIMINISH AS YOU GET OLDER?
A. CHARLEY WEAVER: MY SENSE OF DECENCY..

Q. WHAT ARE ‘DO IT,’ ‘I CAN HELP,’ AND ‘I CAN’T GET ENOUGH’?
A. GEORGE GOBEL: I DON’T KNOW, BUT IT’S COMING FROM THE NEXT
APARTMENT.

Q. AS YOU GROW OLDER, DO YOU TEND TO GESTURE MORE OR LESS WITH YOUR
HANDS WHILE TALKING?
A. ROSE MARIE: YOU ASK ME ONE MORE GROWING OLD QUESTION PETER, AND
I’LL GIVE YOU A GESTURE YOU’LL NEVER FORGET.

Q. PAUL, WHY DO HELL’S ANGELS WEAR LEATHER?
A. PAUL LYNDE: BECAUSE CHIFFON WRINKLES TOO EASILY.

Q. CHARLEY, YOU’VE JUST DECIDED TO GROW STRAWBERRIES. ARE YOU GOING TO
GET ANY DURING THE FIRST YEAR?
A, CHARLEY WEAVER: OF COURSE NOT, I’M TOO BUSY GROWING
STRAWBERRIES.

Q. IN BOWLING, WHAT’S A PERFECT SCORE?
A. ROSE MARIE: RALPH, THE PIN BOY.

Q. DURING A TORNADO, ARE YOU SAFER IN THE BEDROOM OR IN THE CLOSET?
A. ROSE MARIE: UNFORTUNATELY PETER, I’M ALWAYS SAFE IN THE
BEDROOM.

Q. CAN BOYS JOIN THE CAMP FIRE GIRLS?
A. MARTY ALLEN: ONLY AFTER LIGHTS OUT.

Q. WHEN YOU PAT A DOG ON ITS HEAD HE WILL WAG HIS TAIL. WHAT WILL A
GOOSE DO?
A. PAUL LYNDE: MAKE HIM BARK?

Q. IF YOU WERE PREGNANT FOR TWO YEARS, WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE BIRTH TO?
A. PAUL LYNDE: WHATEVER IT IS, IT WOULD NEVER BE AFRAID OF THE
DARK..

Q. ACCORDING TO ANN LANDERS, IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH GETTING INTO
THE HABIT OF KISSING A LOT OF PEOPLE?
A. CHARLEY WEAVER: IT GOT ME OUT OF THE ARMY.

Q. BACK IN THE OLD DAYS, WHEN GREAT GRANDPA PUT HORSERADISH ON HIS
HEAD, WHAT WAS HE TRYING TO DO?
A. GEORGE GOBEL: GET IT IN HIS MOUTH.

Q. JACKIE GLEASON RECENTLY REVEALED THAT HE FIRMLY BELIEVES IN THEM
AND HAS ACTUALLY SEEN THEM ON AT LEAST TWO OCCASIONS. WHAT ARE THEY?
A. CHARLEY WEAVER: HIS FEET.

Q. ACCORDING TO ANN LANDERS, WHAT ARE TWO THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER DO
IN BED?
A. PAUL LYNDE: POINT AND LAUGH.

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