A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery…
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Actual questions asked of Canadian reference librarians
Do you have books here?
Do you have that book by Rushdie, ‘Satanic Nurses’? [Actual title: “Satanic Verses”]
I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.
Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?
Do you have a list of all the books I’ve ever read?
Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?
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Out of the mouths of babes …
A nursery school teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to little Sarah who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. Sarah replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”
Well, there’s a very simple answer. ~~~ Nobody bothered to check the oil. ~~~ We just didn’t know we were getting low. ~~~ The reason for that is purely geographical. ~~~ Our OIL is located in: ~~~ Alaska ~~~ California ~~~ Coastal Florida ~~~ Coastal Louisiana ~~~ Coastal Alabama ~~~~ Coastal Mississippi ~~~~ Coastal Texas ~~~ North Dakota ~~~ Wyoming ~~~ Colorado ~~~ Kansas ~~~ Oklahoma ~~~ Pennsylvania ~~~ And Texas
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