A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
“Is it true,” the tourist asked, “that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?”
“That depends,” replied the guide, “on how fast you carry the flashlight.”
Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of the church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out, “Amen, Brother!”
When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, “You preach it, Reverend!”
And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and hollered, “RIGHT ON! TELL IT LIKE IT IS! AMEN!”
But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, “He’s quit preaching and now he’s just meddling.”
I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond?
My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a fancy dinner when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, “Does this dress look bad on me?”
If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. However, since I took a split second before responding, she had to go back up to her closet to change, again.
The Editor: Who is Polly, LL ?
Fly, Fly, Away Cat: I’m using it as a class of birds. The parrots that showed kindness and selfless behavior turned into dope fiends when we tried to get them to show Democrats how to act like nice people. It was awful.
Polly says don’t waste vodka. Aark, aark.
Our Love Birds might get a new perch before long.
Maybe we should legalize cocaine, and tax it.
Wide Field: Fox Fur, Unicorn, and Christmas Tree
Image Credit & Copyright: Greg Gurdak
Explanation: What do the following things have in common: a cone, the fur of a fox, and a Christmas tree? Answer: they all occur in the constellation of the unicorn (Monoceros). Pictured as a star forming region and cataloged as NGC 2264, the complex jumble of cosmic gas and dust is about 2,700 light-years distant and mixes reddish emission nebulae excited by energetic light from newborn stars with dark interstellar dust clouds. Where the otherwise obscuring dust clouds lie close to the hot, young stars they also reflect starlight, forming blue reflection nebulae. The featured wide-field image spans over three times the diameter of a full moon, covering over 100 light-years at the distance of NGC 2264. Its cast of cosmic characters includes the Fox Fur Nebula, whose convoluted pelt lies just to the lower right of the image center, bright variable star S Mon visible just above the Fox Fur, and the Cone Nebula just to the left. Given their distribution, the stars of NGC 2264 are also known as the Christmas Tree star cluster.
Tomorrow’s picture: extreme boom