FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER Hollywood Squares:

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These great questions and answers are from the days when ‘ Hollywood Squares’ game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

 

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?

A. Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?

A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two topics at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions.  What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

JUST REMEMBER: WE DON’T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,  WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING.

A Few Truths

 

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.”
Frank Sinatra
 
“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.” 
George Burns
 
“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” 
Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” 
Barbara Bush 
 
“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” 
Robin Williams
 
“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental,  where, of course, men are just grateful.” 
Robert De Niro
 
“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
Dustin Hoffman
 
“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked!” 
Jerry Seinfeld
 
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.” 
Robin Williams
 
“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.” 
Joan Rivers
 
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. 
Steve Martin
 
You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life. 
Bob Hope
 
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” 
Oscar Wilde

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THE SPHINX—THE AMAZING SOIL

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The Hillgal Diary.

https://nypost.com/2022/05/19/fbi-official-james-baker-testifies-michael-sussman-lied/

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2022/05/18/marc-elias-testifies-at-sussmann-trial-he-had-discretion-to-direct-fusion-gps/

https://justthenews.com/accountability/russia-and-ukraine-scandals/ex-fbi-general-counsel-baker-continue-testimony-fourth

https://redstate.com/nick-arama/2022/05/19/marc-elias-finally-gets-grilled-in-sussmann-case-spills-on-involvement-of-clinton-team-n566733

https://nypost.com/2022/05/19/how-fbi-bigwig-aided-and-abetted-hillary-clinton-plot/

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Joe and his weenies can’t handle China.  Joe and Hunter are just two of their bed mates.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/china-warns-us-a-dangerous-situation-forming-over-taiwan/ar-AAXrE1A

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What is the big deal ?  Just like the border, laws aren’t followed.

https://nypost.com/2022/05/18/911-allegedly-hung-up-on-tops-worker-during-buffalo-massacre/

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/mattvespa/2022/05/19/heres-how-the-gun-shop-owner-who-sold-rifle-to-buffalo-shooter-feels-about-the-incident-n2607485

DeSantis said he might make Disney World a home for the homeless. 

https://nypost.com/2022/05/17/ron-desantis-says-florida-will-take-over-disneys-autonomous-district/

DeBlasio wants to run for the HOR seat that, criminal Jerry Nadler, lost to redistributing. Jerry, like Nancy, wants to die behind his desk.

https://nypost.com/2022/05/17/bill-de-blasio-eyeing-run-at-newly-drawn-ny-seat-nadler-has-left-behind/

Maybe the CDC or NIH could send a few Doctors to check on this cluster.

https://nypost.com/2022/05/18/ex-phillies-brain-cancer-deaths-need-study-dr-marc-siegel/

Manchin is mostly a great American.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/leahbarkoukis/2022/05/18/manchin-ruins-gun-control-plans-n2607433

Gas was $2.10 a gallon when Biden was elected.

https://nypost.com/2022/05/18/californias-6-gas-prices-may-spread-nationwide-analysts/

The Ministry of Truth is penalized for plagiarism.  She will probably go to Google to continue censoring.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/spencerbrown/2022/05/18/bidens-disinformation-board-has-been-paused-jankowicz-may-be-leaving-n2607445

The rest of the world must have a stupid shortage, for America to have so many in government.

https://www.breitbart.com/economy/2022/05/18/breitbart-business-digest-walmart-and-target-ring-the-death-knell-of-greedflation/

AOC gets engaged.

https://nypost.com/2022/05/19/aoc-engaged-to-longtime-boyfriend-riley-roberts/

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Biden wants to skirt Senate approval, like Obama did the Iran Nuclear Bomb deal.  Fortunately, Trump withdrew our participation.

https://justthenews.com/government/white-house/conservative-worried-biden-about-subject-us-world-health-organization

This will be better than a Green Bean Casserole.

https://www.theonion.com/three-bean-salad-like-you-ve-never-had-it-packed-in-a-1848911531

https://www.breitbart.com/

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The Bee Weekly.

https://babylonbee.com/podcast/basic/306

https://www.newsmax.com/

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The Dirt Editor:  What is amazing about soil, LL ?

The Dirt Dobber Cat:  One species of wasps makes a home from soil.  One of my human first-cousins was doing his crack-cocaine on a table on the front porch when a Dirt Dobber picked it up and flew to Dobberheaven.  Said cousin, never recovered his rock.

Soil has its own little environment, if left unpoisoned.

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2022/may/07/secret-world-beneath-our-feet-mind-blowing-key-to-planets-future?utm_source=pocket-newtab

If Congress can get by without bribes from chemical companies we might see this one day, along with less cancer, autism, etc.

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/ten-years-ago-this-was-science-fiction-the-rise-of-weedkilling-robots?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Save those house plants, and you might postpone pushing up daisies.

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/houseplant-care-why-are-my-plant-s-leaves-curled-at-the-edges?utm_source=pocket-newtab

These are from Cambodia.  I guess love in any language is still love.

https://nypost.com/2022/05/13/stop-playing-with-endangered-penis-plants-government-says/

Saturday Smiles

 

Good Stuff

 

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.

Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

How to make it in show business–by Steve Martin: Be so good they can’t ignore you.

If you can walk, you can dance. If you can talk, you can sing.

 

I AM WOKE…

Diagnosing A Liberal

 

A woman in a hot air balloon

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consults his portable GPS and replies, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolls her eyes and says, “You must be a Republican!”

“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

 “Well,” answers the balloonist, “everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’re not much help to me.”

 The man smiles and responds, “You must be a Democrat.”

“I am, replies the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it’s my fault.”

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Good Stuff

Creative Thinking: An elderly man, harassed by the taunts of the neighborhood children, devised a scheme. He offered to pay them a dollar each if they would return on Tuesday and yell their insults again.

The children did so eagerly and received the money. Then he told them he would only pay them twenty-five cents on Wednesday. When they returned, insulted him again and collected their quarters, he informed them that Thursday’s rate would only be a penny. “Forget it,” they said—and never taunted him again.

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

An open mind collects more riches than an open purse.

You can make more friends in a month by being interested in them than in ten years by trying to get them interested in you.

TODAY’S BIBLE VERSE