After reading an ad in the newspaper, Ms. Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do. She submitted her application for a job in a Florida lemon grove, but seemed far too qualified for the job. She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan, and a master’s degree from Michigan State University. For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.
The foreman studied her application, frowned, and said, “I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume. However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”
“Well, as a matter of fact, I have,” she said. “I’ve been divorced three times, owned two Chrysler’s, voted twice for Obama, and once for Hillary.”
She starts work tomorrow.
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway…
Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dying?
Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?’
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE………
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
Our loyal readers should check their local weather. Keep your animal buddies safe.
ACRONYM—These are excellent tools for making important points, some are even humorous.
Anagrams can also be fun ( rearranging letters in words to form other words). You could spell ” grow a penis ” with Nixon’s Vice President’s name Spiro Agnew. Some people go overboard with the F word and penises.
This looks at least entertaining, if nothing else. Lucy & Desi were A#1 in the fifties. A little Latin diversity for our woke-cancel- culture toads.
English can be tough to learn, that’s why 20 million people in America speak Spanish.
This will help our loyal readers understand what people are saying. Everything is racism so we skipped that.
The Author Editor: Do you know any good authors, LL ?
The Author Cat: I know a few, I liked this one once. He had six-toed cats in Key West, Florida.
It looks like Ernie was an author, and a card-carrying-for-real-Communist. According to files released after the Communist USSR collapsed Hemingway attended many mass-murders of Cubans by Ole Fidel.
I wonder if Bernie Sanders attended any of the mass-murders ?
John le-Carres has a posthumous book.
The American Medical Association will be hiring less trained people. Maybe some BLM/Antifa arsonist will be good doctors.
A read bump.
Here is a book recommended by many people who want to see the corrupt media.
Here is an audio-book.
Explanation: Thunderstorms almost spoiled this view of the spectacular 2011 June 15 total lunar eclipse. Instead, storm clouds parted for 10 minutes during the total eclipse phase and lightning bolts contributed to the dramatic sky. Captured with a 30-second exposure the scene also inspired one of the more memorable titles (thanks to the astrophotographer) in APOD’s now 25-year history. Of course, the lightning reference clearly makes sense, and the shadow play of the dark lunar eclipse was widely viewed across planet Earth in Europe, Africa, Asia, and Australia. The picture itself, however, was shot from the Greek island of Ikaria at Pezi. That area is known as “the planet of the goats” because of the rough terrain and strange looking rocks. The next total lunar eclipse will occur on Wednesday.
Tomorrow’s picture: disappearing moon