Archive | May 15, 2021

Sheila’s Understanding of Californians

Pretty Flower GIFs | Tenor
WRITTEN BY: SHEILA TOLLEY

 

“I have noticed that a large number of people are implying, with bad jokes and anecdotes, that people from California are not real smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment.

Anyone who would build cities on the San Andreas Fault and in the path of the annual Santa Ana winds….and then fill those cities with Democrats…

is a Damn Genius.”

 

Campaigning vs. Voting 

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really? I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the Senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.

In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven…

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time   and before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

“I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil smiles at him and says,

“Yesterday we were campaigning,

…..Today you voted!”

 

.

Smile A While….

“Everything we read seems to be Gloom & Doom nowadays….let’s take a break and smile.”
-Sheila Tolley-

 

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, neither one could hardly see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light!”

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.

She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!”

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh My Gosh!! Am I driving? “

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A policeman is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the policeman walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child’s level, the policeman smiles and asks, “And now what, my little man?”

To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”

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JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH

Image result for laugh a little

 

 

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school

After hearing a strong preaching on the devil.

One said to the other, ‘What do you think about

all this Satan stuff?’

The other boy replied, ‘Well, you know how

Santa Claus turned out

It’s probably just your Dad..’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl

whispered to her mother, ‘Why is the bride dressed in white?”

The mother replied, ‘Because white is the color

Of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.’

The child thought about this for a moment then said,

‘So why is the groom wearing black?’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about

their fathers.

The first boy says, ‘My Dad scribbles a few words

On a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.’

The second boy says, ‘That’s nothing. My Dad

scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.’

The third boy says, ‘I got you both beat. My Dad

scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

An elderly woman died last month.

Having never married, she requested no male

pallbearers.

In her handwritten instructions for her memorial

service, she wrote,

‘They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive,

I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A police recruit was asked during the exam,

‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’

He answered, ‘Call for backup.’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why

Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

A small child replied, ‘They couldn’t get a babysitter.’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy

father and thy mother,’ she asked,

‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to

treat our brothers and sisters?’

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,

‘Thou shall not kill.’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At Sunday School they were teaching how God

created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they

told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying

down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’ 

Little Johnny responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old..

You grow old because you stop laughing!

Take heed and pass these along to people who

need a laugh.

I thought you would enjoy this….times are tough

right now…for all of us…so we need something to make the day a happy place.

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“They” haven’t found a way to tax you for

Laughing yet!!



THE SPHINX—UNIQUE SPORTS STORIES

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This is a corrupt county election.  The dems are dragging it out like ole Hillgal did her crimes.

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2021/05/13/az-state-senate-president-asks-maricopa-county-to-address-deleted-data-bases-chain-of-custody-non-compliance-with-subpoenas/

The Israelis are upsetting America’s Jew Haters in Congress and their MSM.

https://www.breitbart.com/middle-east/2021/05/12/israel-takes-out-mocks-hamas-intel-chiefs-looks-like-our-intel-was-better/

https://redstate.com/nick-arama/2021/05/13/israel-takes-out-hamas-leaders-air-and-ground-troops-now-move-into-gaza-n379873

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Why would Gates let this be published after 40 years of secrecy ?  Something is brewing.

https://pagesix.com/2021/05/11/bill-gates-hiding-out-at-the-vintage-club-in-indian-wells/?_ga=2.163477308.1678079493.1605772234-951879754.1604898772

Oklahoma is better than OK.

https://redstate.com/brandon_morse/2021/05/12/school-board-throws-racist-tantrum-after-oklahoma-governor-bans-critical-race-theory-in-schools-n379052

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I believe the Iranian Terrorist over the Biden Traitors. 

https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/iran-releases-prisoners-us/2021/05/02/id/1019813/

https://nypost.com/2021/05/04/wh-insists-iran-nuclear-talks-separate-from-us-hostages-psaki/

https://www.breitbart.com/

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CNN uses the wrong geographical locations so we won’t know where Taiwan is located, when China invades them.

https://redstate.com/wag/2020/01/29/cnn-lectures-us-rubes-about-geography-n126864

This is a great sports story.  In Atlanta, Georgia, USA,  Kaepernick will be joined by Michael Vick.  The Atlantians still worship Vick, even after serving his prison time for dog fighting.  Some people are just more competitive than others.

https://babylonbee.com/news/tebow-kaepernick-to-compete-in-epic-kneeling-contest-for-spot-on-nfl-team

https://www.breitbart.com/sports/2021/05/11/kaepernick-editing-publishing-essays-calling-for-the-abolition-of-police-and-prisons/

https://thefederalist.com/

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Off Beaten Path Editor:  Is this article about surprising things in sports, LL ?

Unusual Cat:  It sure is, but first here is another surprising positive drug test.  Medina Spirit might be as dirty as Qasem Soleimani’s Ghost.   Medina Spirit will run in Saturday’s Preakness—Spirit is as clean as Hunter Biden.

https://www.cbssports.com/general/news/2021-preakness-stakes-odds-medina-spirit-predictions-top-expert-who-nailed-9-winners-enters-picks/

John Wooden almost became a manager for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/08/ucla-legend-john-wooden-nearly-became-manager-of-pirates/

People need to practice this to keep their herd healthy.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/07/hunters-apply-to-kill-bison-in-grand-canyon-national-park/

https://www.breitbart.com/border/2021/05/08/blm-protesters-block-major-intersection-in-north-texas-city/

The New York Mets choose a giant rat as a new mascot over both Cuomos and Blasio.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/07/mets-dugout-drama-unfolds-in-intriguing-scene/

A read break.  If Fauci had time he would say, “get that second or third wallet.”

https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-proposes-2-trillion-bill-to-study-whats-causing-inflation-to-rise

https://redstate.com/nick-arama/2021/05/06/non-woke-comedian-does-perfect-take-on-fauci-n375548

The only thing true about this article is about the cats.

https://babylonbee.com/news/bad-dog-major-bit-another-wh-staffer-and-gave-nuclear-codes-to-china-in-exchange-for-a-milk-bone

A catcher dies.

https://redstate.com/jerrywilson/2021/05/07/dell-crandall-requiem-for-a-catcher-n375853

The Cowboys are still expensive.

https://www.oann.com/sport-nfls-cowboys-extend-reign-as-most-valuable-sports-team-forbes/

Jimmy Hoffa has more graves than Hillgal.

https://www.breitbart.com/sports/2021/05/07/lawyer-jimmy-hoffa-buried-at-georgia-golf-course-popular-with-mob-bosses/

Where did they go ?

https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/31393791/inside-mysterious-world-missing-sports-memorabilia

One of the great movie quotes.

 

Ritner Creek Covered Bridge

WGN – 37-27-01 Ritner Creek Covered Bridge – Built in 1926 in Polk County by Otis Hamar spanning Ritner Creek on Kings Valley Hwy., single span, 75 feet long, Howe trusses

The bridge was constructed at a cost of $6,963.78. The portals of this bridge were once rounded. They were cut square in the early 1960s to accommodate taller trucks. Closed, moved 60′ downstream in 1976.

PHOTOS BY: BILL BOWSER….FROM CINCINNATI, OHIO
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Astronomy Picture of the Day

The Southern Cliff in the Lagoon
Image Credit: Julia I. Arias and Rodolfo H. Barba’ (Dept. Fisica, Univ. de La Serena), ICATE-CONICET, Gemini Observatory/AURA

Explanation: Undulating bright ridges and dusty clouds cross this close-up of the nearby star forming region M8, also known as the Lagoon Nebula. A sharp, false-color composite of narrow band visible and broad band near-infrared data from the 8-meter Gemini South Telescope, the entire view spans about 20 light-years through a region of the nebula sometimes called the Southern Cliff. The highly detailed image explores the association of many newborn stars imbedded in the tips of the bright-rimmed clouds and Herbig-Haro objects. Abundant in star-forming regions, Herbig-Haro objects are produced as powerful jets emitted by young stars in the process of formation heat the surrounding clouds of gas and dust. The cosmic Lagoon is found some 5,000 light-years away toward the constellation Sagittarius and the center of our Milky Way Galaxy. (For location and scale, check out this image superimposing the close-up of the Southern Cliff within the larger Lagoon Nebula. The scale image is courtesy R. Barba’.)

Tomorrow’s picture: and beyond