Archive | May 12, 2021

BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

 

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:



FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!


FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.


FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.



COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.



JOINING NUDIST COLONY !
Must sell washer and dryer £100.



WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.



**** And the WINNER is… ****



FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.


Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker–Billy Connolly. “If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”


Children Are Quick
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TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’

TEACHER: No, that’s wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this child)

____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand…..

______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mum is a good cook.

______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.

Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.


(I want to adopt this kid!!!)

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher.

__________________________________

PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
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THE SPHINX—MORE BREAKING NEWS

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Ole Joe might let the Middle East get out of control.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/10/us-military-ship-fires-30-warning-shots-at-iranian-boats/

https://www.oann.com/jerusalem-violence-leads-to-hamas-rockets-on-israel-nine-dead-in-gaza/

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Mark Zuckerberg knows kids.  They will learn anal sex by 7, get their hormone shots, and be ready for the safe internet.  Maybe parents will shut it down.  I doubt they do anything—girls and boys sharing showers at school saw little opposition.

https://www.newsmax.com/us/susan-hennessey-conspiracy-theory-justice-dept/2021/05/10/id/1020829/

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2021/05/10/national-leaders-sound-alarm-biden-hhs-transgender-sex-definition/

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What ethics ?

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2021/05/07/biden-administration-requests-ethics-rules-be-ignored-for-union-bosses-appointed-to-top-administration-positions/

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/katiepavlich/2021/05/10/doj-just-hired-a-woman-who-pushed-the-russian-dossier-n2589196

Free the tiger.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/10/tiger-roaming-houston-street-leads-to-tense-confrontation/

Paige is back in the news.

https://nypost.com/2021/04/21/paige-spiranac-wants-in-on-pga-tours-40-million-plan/

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Avoid Disney if possible.  It won’t be easy.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/rebeccadowns/2021/05/08/disney-is-the-latest-corporation-called-out-by-whistleblower-employees-over-diversity-and-inclusion-program-n2589165

https://www.titlemax.com/discovery-center/money-finance/companies-disney-owns-worldwide/

It’s a fight.

https://redstate.com/beccalower/2021/05/09/texas-gov-abbott-just-showed-america-what-freedom-looks-like-in-one-photo-n376957

https://townhall.com/

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This is when The Ginger Bread Man and Hillgal let Americans be murdered in Benghazi.  He is with Netflix now ( no Fox for him ), and is very rich.

https://redstate.com/wag/2019/12/31/retro-tuesday-blame-it-on-the-youtube-video-n124112

This is worth repeating.

https://babylonbee.com/news/chinese-rocket-breaks-apart-revealing-whimsical-fortune-inside

https://redstate.com/

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The Serious Editor:  What is so urgent, LL ?

Sub Mariner Cat:  I found the real reason the Carters were shrunken to the size of Wuhan Flu Viruses.  Here is a little background for some of our loyal readers who just escaped from reeducation camps in Michigan.  Not everyone knows that Joe had two brain surgeries in 1988.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/04/bidens-tower-over-carters-in-photo-during-visit-to-georgia/

https://www.bostonherald.com/2020/06/28/liberal-media-avoids-quizzing-biden-on-brain-surgery/

The Pentagon took all the rumors about Trump living rent-free in Biden’s head seriously.  The MENSA generals remembered that Jimmy Caaarrter commanded a Nucler Submarine when he was in the Blue Water Navy.  They decided to shrink him and a select team of experts down to virus size and check Joe’s brain for a miniature Trump.

TSE:  That sounds dangerous and exciting, SMC.  Did they find Trump ?

Here is the actual video.

They didn’t find The Donald, but did see many neurons and synapses misfiring, sort of like a car with a bad spark plug.

TSE:  Was there anything significant found, SMC ?

Some old files marked deleted, but were misfiled to unconscious.  When Biden is asleep or takes a nap he dreams of him and Senator Byrd drinking Bourbon and talking about Black people.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2020/06/14/fact-check-biden-isnt-kkk-grand-wizard-photo/3183887001/

They uncovered this old Caaarrta Speech from 1979, if you add the MSM being Democrat Party Members, and Sanctuary States/Cities not prosecuting rioters and looters it sounds familiar. Oh, Nixon had just opened China to trade.

https://www.c-span.org/video/?153917-1/president-carter-address-crisis-confidence

The Trumpers are attacking the White House.

https://nypost.com/2021/04/29/us-investigating-possible-energy-attack-near-white-house/

Maybe the criminals will get what they need—not what they want.

 

Astronomy Picture of the Day

A Meteor and the Gegenschein
Image Credit: J.C. Casado, StarryEarth, EELabs, TWAN

Explanation: Is the night sky darkest in the direction opposite the Sun? No. In fact, a rarely discernable faint glow known as the gegenschein (German for “counter glow”) can be seen 180 degrees around from the Sun in an extremely dark sky. The gegenschein is sunlight back-scattered off small interplanetary dust particles. These dust particles are millimeter sized splinters from asteroids and orbit in the ecliptic plane of the planets. Pictured here from last March is one of the more spectacular pictures of the gegenschein yet taken. The deep exposure of an extremely dark sky over Teide Observatory in Spain‘s Canary Islands shows the gegenschein as part of extended zodiacal light. Notable background objects include a bright meteor (on the left), the Big Dipper (top right), and Polaris (far right). The meteor nearly points toward Mount Teide, Spain’s highest mountain, while the Pyramid solar laboratory is visible on the right. During the day, a phenomenon like the gegenschein called the glory can be seen in reflecting air or clouds opposite the Sun from an airplane.

Tomorrow’s picture: open space