Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised And he’s walking with a limp.
“What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.
” Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy.
“That little shit, O’Conner,” says Sean, “He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”
” That he did,” says Paddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.”
” Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself, didn’t you have something in your hand?”
” That I did,” said Paddy.
“Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.”
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
” So,” says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?”
“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.
” Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”
” I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”
Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin to tell ya”.
” Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”
” That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda. “There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery…”
“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.”
” I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”
Finally, she looked up at Tim.. “How did it happen, Tim?”
” It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”
“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”
“Well, Brenda…. No. In fact, he got out three times to pee.”
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’ Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears.
He says, ” So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?”
She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news . My husband passed away last night.”
The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”
She says, “That he did, Father.”
The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary? “
She says, He said, ‘Please Mary, put down that damn gun..’
AND THE BEST FOR LAST
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, “ain’t no use knockin, there’s no paper on this side either!
A young black kid asks his mother, “Mama, what is Socialism and what is Racism?
Mama says, “Well,….socialism is when the white folks work every day so we can get all our governmental entitlement stuff for free.
You know ….like our free cell phones for each family member, rent subsidy, food stamps, EBT, WIC, free school breakfast, lunch, and in some places supper; free healthcare, utility subsidy, and on and on …..you know, that’s Socialism.
Her son responds, “But, mama, don’t the white people get pissed off about that?
“Sure they do, Honey. That’s called Racism.”
It beats the Irish Sweepstakes.
HERE COMES YOUR TAX HIKE TO PAY FOR THE 1.9 TRILLION SANCTUARY STATE BAILOUT. VOTE DEMOCRAT.
Track your check.
King Joe wants Harry and Meghan to be royals, and return America to either the English, Blacks, or Native Americans.
President Biden is killing children. He needs to be impeached.
Do you want some of the Good-Earth ?
The dems have no rules/laws.
The Green Editor: Are you ready for St. Patrick’s Day, LL ?
The Anti-Reptile Cat: I sure am. I wish Ole Patty would come back and rid our state, local, and federal governments of snakes. Here is a little history.
Here are some dogs that Biden imported just to get the cages for his border children. They will be given the blue stuff so Pigleosi can keep track of them. We need another colored minority to abuse.
Psaki uses ESP to control dem reporters.
I used this because of the green chairs.
Send him to one of Nancy’s houses.
Ireland has a snake.
Explanation: If you could stand on Venus — what would you see? Pictured is the view from Venera 13, a robotic Soviet lander which parachuted and air-braked down through the thick Venusian atmosphere in March of 1982. The desolate landscape it saw included flat rocks, vast empty terrain, and a featureless sky above Phoebe Regio near Venus’ equator. On the lower left is the spacecraft’s penetrometer used to make scientific measurements, while the light piece on the right is part of an ejected lens-cap. Enduring temperatures near 450 degrees Celsius and pressures 75 times that on Earth, the hardened Venera spacecraft lasted only about two hours. Although data from Venera 13 was beamed across the inner Solar System almost 40 years ago, digital processing and merging of Venera’s unusual images continues even today. Recent analyses of infrared measurements taken by ESA‘s orbiting Venus Express spacecraft indicate that active volcanoes may currently exist on Venus.
Tomorrow’s picture: open space