I FINALLY SEE THE ERROR OF MY WAYS IN TRYING TO PROTECT AND SUPPORT THE UNITED STATES IN OUR ‘OLD FASHION WAYS.’

I SEE THAT I HAVE TO CHANGE INTO A COMMUNIST, SOCIALIST-ORIENTED DEMOCRAT. I MUST LET EVERY REPUBLICAN AMERICAN SUPPORT ME, AS WELL AS, THE REST OF THE WORLD. AS LONG AS I KNOW HOW TO PUT A CHECK-MARK UNDER THE ‘DEMOCRAT’ PORTION OF THE STACK OF VOTER BALLOTS THE DEMOCRATS SENT, I SHOULD BE FINE.

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can’t buy on EBAY anymore) and peeled the NRA sticker off my rear window.

I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.

I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard.

Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flagpole.

Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7.

I’ve NEVER felt safer and I’m saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.

Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way and security can’t pat me down.

If they say I’m a male wearing a burka, I just say “I’m feeling like a woman today.”

Hot Damn… Safe at last.

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