WRITTEN BY: SHEILA TOLLEY
Face the facts, Ladies. Men are just happier people. What else should we expect from such simple creatures? You are a man, so…your last name stays the same. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Two Hershey bars and a Reeses cup is just a snack. You can wear a white T-shirt or no T-shirt to a water park. You can never be pregnant, unless you are Pete Buttigieg.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress = $5,000. Tux rental = $100. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about guns and cars.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $10.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes. One color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Men can enjoy going out with their friends for lunch easier than women. They are always, relaxed, happy and jovial. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need because it’s on sale. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom has never been calculated. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
Now you know why men are happier. Their lifestyle is much simpler.
BUT REMEMBER MEN………………….
“A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.”