120+ Football Jokes That Will Score You A Touchdown


“Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football”…
  – John Heisman, first football coach at Rice  

“I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.” 
– Bear Bryant / Alabama
” It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!”  
– Knute Rockne / Notre Dame  
“At Georgia Southern, we don’t cheat.
That costs money, and we don’t have any.”
– Erik Russell / Georgia Southern
“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.”       
–  Lou Holtz / Arkansas – Notre Dame
“When you win, nothing hurts.”     
–  Joe Namath / Alabama
“A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.”     
–  Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
“There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.”     
–  Woody Hayes / Ohio State
“I don’t expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.”       
–  Bob Devaney / Nebraska  

“In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.”     
–  Wally Butts / Georgia
“I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms – Truman’s and Eisenhower’s.”    
–  Alex Karras / Iowa
“My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor.” 
–  Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
“I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades.”     
– Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State  
”   Always remember Goliath was a 40-point favorite over David.”     
– Shug Jordan / Auburn   
“I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn’t recruit me ”      
He said,    “Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren’t any good.”     
–    Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State/Dallas Cowboys  

“Son, you’ve got a good engine, but your hands aren’t on the steering wheel.”
–  Bobby Bowden / Florida State   

“Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport.
Dancing IS a contact sport.”   –
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was;   ]
“All those who need showers, take them.”     
–  John McKay / USC ]]]]]]]]]]]

”    If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.”     
–  Murray Warmath / Minnesota
“The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb.  
To be a back, you only have to be dumb.”     
–  Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
“We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.”      
–  Darrell Royal / Texas   
“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.”            
–  John McKay / USC
“I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.”     
–  Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
Ohio State’s Urban Meyer on one of his players:
“He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”


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